Things i previously enjoyed before i got knocked up and now can no longer enjoy:
Food - one of the great loves of my life. now the thought of it makes my stomach churn. Not only does everything taste bad, the physical act of eating now brings pain. My days are spent wracked with torture. What am i going to eat? How long do i have before i get hungry again and have to force another handful of Cheerios or a NutriGrain bar down my throat? It's like i'm a reverse anorexic. I think about food morning noon and night and i hate eating but i force myself to do it. Morning sickness has long since passed but i think my tastebuds have become a casualty of that war. Not that my sense of smell has in any way diminished. In fact, it seems to have taken on a life of it's own. That is, the life of a bloodhound. I can smell when there is hazelnut coffee within a 50 foot radius. Potato chips know better now than to come near me. And don't even say the word "fish" when i am within earshot. My poor family can't enjoy a peaceful dinner without me clutching my nose and saying "get that away from me." To quote my brother-in-law: "Is there anything else you'd like to ruin for us?"
Sleeping - having never had any problems whatsoever in this department, i was often known to enjoy naps during 5 minute car rides, at the dinner table, even standing in line. Now it takes me at least 2 hours to fall asleep and the slightest noise or movement will cause me to jolt awake as if by defibrillation. Getting a full night's rest was no easy task as it was, what with a giant tumbling human space heater pushing against me and a selfish 3-lb. yorkie draped across my neck. Now it's full-on fantasy.
Privacy - not that i lived a life of seclusion, but i didn't have to worry about everyone caring about everything. What i ate and what i wore and where i went were nobody's business but my own. Now it's like my life is on display for public scrutiny. Don't eat that, it's too spicy. You need to exercise more. Don't lift that, it's too heavy. Keep your belly warm. yadda yadda yadda. My dad hounds me, wondering if i've been eating. No, dad, i forgot to eat today. Even Mike has made me an object of public observation. Perhaps you've seen the photos of the inside of my uterus prominently displayed on the internet. But i won't begrudge him that little bit of parental pride. After all, he made that.
On the plus side, there are certain allowances that have been given to me simply because i am with child. My co-workers don't mention anything when i am, uh, less than presentable. I have been known to go an entire day with my pants unbuttoned and unzipped. No joke, not even a double take. And Mike doesn't even say "ew" anymore when i fart. I think he would rather keep quiet then force me to blame his baby for making his previously somewhat cute and normal wife gross.
But really, other than that, pregnancy is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Really.
